I love my son but I am not going to lie and pretend that any of this is pleasant. I know exactly how you feel. Is that what you want? And doing it openly and publicly on the Internet is neither. But Im going to say something that may be a bit unpopular. The struggle and frustrations need to be shared and spoken about, but not online for the whole world. Amazing that this seems to have been missed. You are always on without many of the so-called rewards of parenting. Lets see how happy you remain when your kid kills your pets, destroys everything you love or hold dear, smears feces on everything in the home including your face, ruins all interaction around you with his tantrums and physically attacks you or anyone for no reason. Forgive yourself and those in your community. Ableism (yes, even from parents) is the issue. I totally understand the need to sometimes vent emotions too. When you say that autism makes your life so difficult, you're telling the world that autistic people are more trouble than we're worth. Critizing disgraceful, toxic content is not censorship. I can think of nothing more painful than a mother of a child with autism hating on/lecturing and judging another mother of a child with autism because SHE has a different ways of coping with lifes challenges. Google them. Also, criticism is NOT censorship. Older autistic children may enjoy setting up their toys in scenes. And you know what? Little to no furniture in your home because its been destroyed by your Severe ASD child, so the bedrooms are left with little more than mattresses and blankets, because anything else may be a potential danger. Life consists of dodging his punches, kicks, slaps, and bites, and changing diapers. You have much to learn. Forcing their disorders in the same category isnt helpful to anyone. All you know is what you see in others. And how judgemental of YOU to not listen to the lady, if you had you would have heard how much she LOVED her child and was saddened that he would never have the things average kids will. The reason your son acts this was is NOT because of autism, its because he has a worthless sake of shit like you for an egg donor. Does that make you feel better to use capital letters. People with autism will have greater struggles in life. Implementing a new routine can be difficult, so be patient. Your autism is NOTHING like my sons. You dont know her life. You are not the autistic person mothers grieve for anyway. Would you publicly shame your child for not being who you thought theyd be? She is blogging about her life. Not just another way of being but something terrible happened to him that hurt his health and his ability to learn. At the same time it is nobodys business to tell someone how to deal with difficult emotions OR where, when and how to share their experiences. Watching other kids at things like Elmo concerts and knowing you cant usually even make it through a family members birthday party much less some special event like that. Can you imagine reading this out loud to your child? I both agree and disagree with this article. Not be a spokeswoman as a mother to an Autistic child. See if your child can handle eating gummy vitamins if their diet is very limited. How dare you? You know this Spectrum, umbrella, some of us have it worse than others and stop playing the Im autistic, too card as a means to double down that YOU ARE RIGHT, there is no right, there is simply this fucked up reality and everyone has to navigate it differently some of us got it worse than others. With any of those suggestions, please make sure your child is out of earshotand that youre talking to someone safe. And as an authistic, you breed to put more autism in this world? YOUR brain may be fine just the way it is, but something happened to my healthy, typically developing baby boy and he got seizures and lost words, started toe walking, got a horrible rash, allergies, and regressed into full blown autism a neurological DISORDER. When my oldest was first diagnosed, I did fall down that rabbit hole of complaining (more about how people were treating my family differently or professionals implying it was my fault). Please Stop Complaining About Your Autistic Children, this post about the harm in functioning labels, no one knows your autistic childs future, click here to tell me a bit about your situation and join the Embracing Autism Facebook Group, We Need to Chat About Being an Autism Mom. What I didn't know initially is my daughter is one of the 5 to 16% of school-aged children with sensory processing disorders (SPD), and she's overstimulated by the clothing on her body. Anime you wonder if what youre saying is appropriate, replace the word autistic with black or gay and see if it still sounds good. Not cool. Last resort. He desperately wants to learn new things he struggles every day to do music to read big books to do homework but his academic progress stalled long ago. Now, as promised, there are ways to vent without causing harm to your child and other autistic people. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with saying so. The mother making the video had every right to vent and talk it out. EVERYONE. . From an autistic childs perspective, and my other neurodivergent friends, they are delusional and dont care about what their actual children think, and someones identify shouldnt be my child is autistic. as minors, we do not want to be seen as tokens or things for our parents to control. Not every parent can handle it. No government services. People with autism have a number of legal rights and protections. And theres nothing shameful about venting it out vrs bottling it up to fester and rot inside you. Yes, I am someone who was treated as an inconvenience and a burdenfor 50 years. Try to be consistent as best as you can. No one here said to bottle it up. Everyone is coming from a different perspective. All yall do is talk over them and dont listen to their struggles. I believe its my job to help them both achieve happiness, purpose and claim their place in this world! So if you are a parent with an autistic child, and you want to complain . How dare you make out like what she is saying is abusive. Her concerns are real. If its such a big deal that your child meets Elmo, then that trip wasnt for your child at all. For example, instead of "my child won't tell me what's wrong," think "my child can't tell me what's wrong." You can express these things without traumatizing your child. It would be a miracle if my son could learn to express himself as people with Aspergers do. You and the author should live a day in the life of a SEVERE ASD child you wouldnt know what to do. It would have been a opinion and that is ok. You are saying that she shames her son, so what are you doing then? How would you feel if a parent of a child with cerebral palsy went on the internet and unloaded all the ills their child was doing to them. But my child needs to be accepted for what he can and cannot do, for how his brain is wired differently just like yours needs it. If anyone lets on that raising their kids isnt all rainbows and precious moments and is sometimes downright demoralizing, other people automatically assume that the venting parents are terrible, ungrateful and hate their kids. I take offense to the complaining comment by author. This sounds like lack of impulse control (cant pause to think whether or not things should be done when angry) and seeking sensory input. 217K subscribers in the autism community. feeling angry, but not knowing why. You must ignore her posts where she cheers on her children and shows her sons accomplishments since youre only talking about her being upset. Required fields are marked *. No sleep for days because of severe ASD insomnia (the ASD individuals insomnia which causes family members and caregivers to also have to no sleep). Take a seat. Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. How they hope and pray for a cure? If we wouldnt want our spouse talking about us in a certain way, we shouldnt talk about our child that way. So people can learn what autism is. Theres a video circulating on Facebook with a mother in tears. On behalf of all the autism parents who could get through about two paragraphs of your article, STOP JUDGING. Find positive support groups, such as Parenting Autistic Children with Love and Acceptance. *This blog is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. That is wrong. Would you share that with the whole world in a way that shamed him or would you find people you trusted to support you and vent to them? Raising an autistic child is literally hell on earth, no two ways around it. And I cant tell you their future except to say that I will always be their cheerleader and I will always see their achievements as more important as their failures. AAC can help a child communicate in words, even if they can't speak. The key to understanding how to calm an autistic child lies with understanding what it is that triggers the behavior. My God are you OK? Explain the routine to your child, and use a picture schedule to help them predict events. Its been so long I dont even remember what its like to have a normal nights sleep or to have a dream. It doesnt just affect the parents and the child. Do I love my kid? Im apart of many autism parents FB groups and Im getting tired of all the parents playing victim to autism and crying on their public pages about how their children are a burden. I find it interesting that the first thing this article does is shame a mom for her blog. Stuff posted on public media spaces never goes away, and can come back to haunt someday. No one elses. I will give my life for him in a heart beat, this child regardless keeps me motivated and I love him beyond myself. Then get off your throne, stop judging, and write a post/blog entry about severe ASD and the need for finding and help for those individuals and their families. The legacy of nazy collaborator Hans Asperger? I will always love him from the depths of my soul, and I certainly get the frustration, but yeah, please dont post meltdowns. I can't handle my Autistic 4 year old anymore I feel like a horrible mother . understatement of the year!!!!! Well, Im 22 years old. I learned more about her. You know how those of us labeled high functioning are just the stereotypical geniuses therefore nothing could ever go wrong with us??? It hurts a lot. Hun. No one wants to talk about the dark side of all this. She has so much love for her child, you can see it in all her videos. Right on! I had to quit working because there was no one willing to take care of him once he got older. But there is no more. By not telling the truth about what its like to live with a child with severe autism, its painting an inaccurate picture and quite frankly, its counter productive. But the difference at the two extreme end points hardly look like the same condition. Tell the police about your child, about autism, and about what you would want them to do if you called in a crisis. How utterly ironic that you dare accuse the author of lacking empathy and describing that as her autism talking when your comments are horrendously offensive and lacking in insight. Austitic mama mantra seems to be Out of sight, out mind, I actually loved this post! Absolutely not. There is nothing wrong about a parent complaining or feeling sorrow for their autistic child. "More than half of children with autism have moderate to severe sleep disturbances," according to the ATN specialists. Its humiliating, and shaming your OWN child for being BORN neurodivergent? The author succeeds at protecting a child from an overreacting mother by giving heads up to that Mom where she errored. Now the next layer Would your spouse talk about you that way? They gave birth to a disabled child so i guess they deserve what they get. I know what Blog you are speaking about and I have to be honest, her blog brought me great comfort knowing I wasnt alone as a parent. Were not allowed to be ourselves because we embarrass YOU. are you kiddding me?? Who in the world would want to have this struggle? Not just for your own sanity but for the literal safety and heart& soul of your son. I run around all day to cater to his every need. I will trust that you are right that your son will never read or see the offensive videos and articles the author is condemning. I am the mother of a severely autistic child and this life sucks I belong to a support group where we share it all. But it is wrong to disparage those of us who are not so fortunate, we have very real concerns about the growing epidemic of autismYES it is an epidemic even the CDC admits it is NOT just better diagnosis. Sleep deprivation, extensive injury, seizure conditions, and explosive behaviors just to name a few. It is part of human nature. When your child is severe,it is like nothing you have ever seen. You even sympathized with us. With the current situation going to the hospital for any other reason is not the best option. She tried to take her child to Sesame Street Live and was embarrassed that her 6-year-old autistic child was stimming while meeting Elmo and she saw all the adorable babies in line. Children at the ages of 15 20 25 still in strollers because they cant handle walking in a store or anywhere or they meltdown or elope. Would you cry in your car about how your childs future is terrible because it isnt what you wanted? "I Don't Like My Child, Help!" "I've had it with my 12-year-old daughter who has ADHD, sensory disorder, and learning disabilities (LD). She gets no sympathy from me. Surely we have to bring it back to the child first and foremost.it made me very sad to watch this childs needs clearly not being met. This lack of responsiveness is one reason for the difficulties that some autistic people face in securing and keeping employment, and making friends. We have to force water down just so that she doesnt get dehydrated and end up in the hospital. You get date nights?! Recap. So stop blaming autism when autism itself isnt the issue. But nobody on here has any right to judge anyone about how they deal with autism. No need to apologize for anything there .. its certainly not an overwhelmed mother crying on a video, The world is judgmental enough, now ASD mums are shaming each other. Its not the same. Still dressing and brushing teeth and feeding adult children that have no adaptive skills. Id go on some more but My son decided to smear his poop all over the bathroom wall and floor, so I gotta go clean that up. You treat your children like shit and then wonder why they act out like this. Thats the shit that makes me cry at night, wondering if Im a horrible mother because i cant fid anyone anywhere who speaks truthfully about what its like to raise disabled children. Yo, Autism parents. What is even more upsetting than the article (not an article, but opinion piece) is that it has been shared 20K times it is great to support a person w/ autisms SELF-advocacy, but spreading hate and disinformation that ALL autism isnt a debilitating condition, is not a medical mystery to be solved ? There is literally only so much time in each day. This article was laughable. If you can love and accept your child as he or she is it will show through. Hmmm? They may have never known any autistic people before knowing your child. NT society blames the child for not keeping NT more often, and the parent suffers scorn for somehow ruining the chance their child could be normal.. If someone needs support, then they should receive it any way they can. Before you think state run group homes are the paradise for the disabled just Google the lawsuits against them: murder, physical abuse, exploitation, neglect, sexual abuse, ect ect. Best wishes for you and your children. Presumably, because no one would ever love her son enough to grieve when he dies. This is is why half of all teacher quit within 5 years. Their kids still have PTSD, no matter how lovingly they were abused. Occasionally posts contains other affiliate links as well. There are lots of gentler ways to tell our stories and deal with our troubles. There is this thing called Personal Boundaries, and the mother in the video and all these commenters defending her, dont understand what that is. You can have fun kneading and tossing the dough, make faces with the vegetables, and taste throughout the process. Dont be swayed by this one writers POV. Shes human with rough life circumstances that broke down and reached out for support in a moment of weakness. YES! Parents have those worries about any child, but when you have a child with Autism those are much more intense, i cry myself to sleep some nights thinking about it. 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