For the underlying reasons mentioned above, such a suggestion is likely to be met with resistance, so its better to approach the topic gently. I love to be with other people, chatting or going out to dinner and the theatre, whereas he is much more self sufficient and really. Wed like you not to nag us, because you sure didnt do that when we were dating. By Psychologies. No criticism or judgment. Its not quite like the days on the schoolyard, and the older you get, the more closed off and set in their ways people tend to be making it harder and harder to forge new connections or be accepted by an existing social group. But he simply won't go. It can be deflating to come to your husband to talk about something that happened at the office or some sort of success, and he not only doesn't respond negatively but makes you feel bad about it. After searching for a book club, a musical gathering, a cooking class, a pick-up sports group (or whatever strikes his fancy), the critical part is actually getting out of the house to attend these gatherings. For example, Phil, youre right in that your wife shouldve agreed to have people over, given your level of discomfort. My husband doesn't want kids. THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH. Marriage destroys male social lives, thanks to both male and female expectations. 2. 2. In short, I need friends and he doesn't. Interacting with me. It makes me cringe when he starts talking politics in a crowd. Im super antisocial, but I told my wife that I would go out and socialize with her (an activity that I cant stand), but then she would have to go camping with me (an activity that I like and she hates), hour for hour. Men should be good fathers, so we spend time with children. I just wish I had my husband the way he was. Got it? First, to the antisocial spouse (or person whose wife is saying My husband has no friends or hobbies,) you might not think this is a big problem. Its that simple. Maybe theyll get it, maybe they wont, who gives a shit, they dont give a shit about us. After youve mentally checked out of a relationship, its hard to get the feelings back again, but I do feel were getting there. You can not always have your own way when it comes to choosing restaurants or things to do. It is not wrong to want to go out two nights a week. He has actually said that I have a problem for wanting him to go and I should see a counsellor. What I wanted from my wife was acceptance. Then Dr. Dana will send you additional free coaching via email. I want to see how hot he looks dressed up and I want to be at parties as a couple. And Im really glad I no longer have to rack my brain to come up with an original, romantic, epic date every weekend. Required fields are marked *. If you want to party all the time and go out, marry that type of person. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. He doesn't care if you see a counselor, but he's just fine the way he is or so he says. Theres nothing worse than feeling like your spouse is joining you unwillingly. Most husbands work outside the home to provide for the family. 3.Probably it could be due to the bad experiences you have had . You might think, "I'm a good husband and father, I don't cheat, I'm not mean or abusive, and I'm a good provider financially. Therapy can be very helpful for these kinds of situations. Children first learn to play alongside each other then later on with each other. The day after our wedding we went to the casino because she whined and cried to get her way. He just doesn't want to go to couples' counseling. Why does my wife nag me constantly to go out with other couples and to parties?. Howcan I save my failing arranged marriage. All rights reserved. This isnt to say that you shouldnt be spending time together, of course, just that when theres a serious imbalance in your respective social lives, problems are bound to follow. If Jane wants to spend time with her friends, Joe either comes along (not an ideal scenario for Jane, who needs to enjoy her freedom and connect with people other than Joe to feel fulfilled), or he stays home by himself (which he does not enjoy he wants to be with Jane). We never had kids because he never wanted sex and couldnt stand the thought of bringing another life to this truly horrible world. And therein lies the problem that has kept thousands of introverts . Most men I know are perfectly fine with a single room and some electronics and a car. Men hold themselves to a high standard of duty. I can always find those people that I know I can be myself around. My family and friends are very social and gregarious folks. The insecurities could stem from nearly anything, and each person is different, of course. I can only make small talk for so long before Im bored out of my mind. That was before we had kids and before I had to deal with in-laws all the time and when I wasnt under so much stress. A great thing to consider would be inviting a few friends over on Friday night for Shabbat dinner. All of these things can stack up, and make it very difficult to form friendships or even see the need to. 3) Give Him Time To Unwind (then Take Yours) 4) Stay in the Right Attitude and Perspective. 2. Im introverted. Wed like you to be 22 again too. After months (years sometimes), the social one is tired of begging his or her spouse to go out, so she starts going out to the parties by herself. I want to have fun together without the kids. Ive been married 29 years in 2 months, we have 3 beautiful adult children that are thriving. Making superficial small talk is excruciating for me. I feel tricked. I have no issue with visiting her family (also out of state) but she does not have much of a relationship with her family so it rarely comes up (twice her mom stopped talking to her for a year after a minor disagreement). I have acquaintances that I see two or three times a year and thats all the socialization I need. Hope this helps. Nobody is magic. It worked! My husband refuses to go to social events. But for many of us, that's far from reality. Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments which appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will be removed. Introversion is not something that we can just switch off. Chances are, whether or not the husband dislikes his wife's friends doesn't appear on your list. BUT your spouse didnt they know what it is to feel alone in a room you are in as you read your book or watch your tv show or sit on your computer. I have a spouse who loves to watch TV. By Jackie Pilossoph, Creator and Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling site, podcast and app, Love Essentially columnist and author. Women want all this crap and then we give it to you, and then you get mad because were burned out and not the same guy we were when we were 22, its ridiculous. The following traits are good signs that your husband may be a narcissist: 1. Couples' counseling is off the table. Its not something that is a bad quality, or that you should be ashamed of. Its okay to be an introvert or not attending social functions. Im begging you to help me save us. I love to be with other people, chatting or going out to dinner and the theatre, whereas he is much more self sufficient and really dislikes most social situations. You 100% absolutely need to talk to your husband about how you are feeling!! Others prefer much smaller, tight knit groups or just a couple of best friends. Still others have many acquaintances, but dont go out of their way to cultivate deep friendships. not threatening. Coupled with a spouse with no friends to speak of, this can be a glimpse at the real roots of both issues. 6. We had been married over 10 years and had 2 kids. I cant recommend it enough. If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, you can call the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or visit hotline.rainn.org. My name is Julie also. I want to come home late at night, pay the babysitter and have great sex. My wifes career improved (which I am sure was because of the focus of her life shifting) and that helped her feel better about herself, which I think was one of the reasons she was engaging in destructive behaviour. I have been married 25 years and I dont do a thing I dont WANT to do. What suffers? She has a job and yet Im always tight on money. Joe loves to spend time with Jane, and Jane loves to spend time with Joe The problem is, Jane also loves to spend time with her friends, and Joe doesnt really have any. Terms of Services. Its not easy, but all of this boils down to a higher issue thats common communication and compromise. Makes me laugh myself to sleep. We share very few friends and almost never go out with other couples or invite them to our house. You Don't Feel Good About. Then she got upset at me for not being upset she dumped me. Is something wrong? it makes me just clam up even more. One thing to think about if your significant other doesn't like your friends is jealousy. Everyone cultivates different types of relationships with the people around them. Changing your own behavior may trigger your spouse to want to make changes. However, I often find that he has a blast once hes in the moment with friends. Hopefully he'll change his attitude and you'll leave with some new skills. She tried to force a friendship. In short, I need friends and he doesn't. Worse, it can have a seriously negative impact on your marriage if a lack of friends isnt intentional. Thinking yelling is the same as communication. Remember, things will most likely never improve unless you tackle these issues head-on. Online is a great place to start but it cant end there. Introverts find socializing draining; extroverts find it stimulating - it's a matter of energy. Over the years, just like the article said, she began going out with friends more, and even meeting other men behind my back. That is my issue. I couldnt agree more. He makes disrespectful comments to your face and behind your back. Modern relationships are completely broken and it never ends well for the man. I dont care about anything a 3rd party has to say. Now my wife comes to me when the kids don't listen to her, not the other way around. Hes been retired awhile and has hobbies but thats it! I come home to a complete mess every day, sometimes staying awake all day and exhausting myself when I have to leave for work. My kids listen to me a lot more, not in fear, but they know they have to listen. Your husband's behavior is coming off as controlling, no doubt. I only want to spend time with her or our children and that is how its going to be. I do realize that it isnt this simple, and that people who are antisocial might be uncomfortable, and might feel awkward and hence start getting anxiety if they know they are going out to a social event. Especially Introversion is not something that we can just switch off. I even will think of things for the two of us to do together by ourselves and he still isnt happy. Or we go to see friends and you are ready to leave upon arrival. I dont mean that in a bad way, but if you want your business to thrive, you make good decisions, same as if you want your marriage to thrive. For instance, I frequently suggested to my wife that we invite people over for dinner, but she would rarely agree to that. Yet, all I was asking was to have my person there. We're retiring soon and I'm starting to worry that our different social needs will become a problem. I am sitting her laughing because Im a woman and I agree with you 100%! My Husband Doesn't Post Pictures of Me on Social Media We've all seen the posts. It is not something that we should go to therapy to fix. The truth is, you chose that person. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA . Im the introvert in my relationship. Im seeing a counselor just to keep my sanity. This type of person literally HATES to go out with anyone but their spouse. I know because mine would behave like that and often was unaware. 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